Today, i want nothing more than to curl up in bed with a book and a hot cup of coffee and read. Alone. I want silence. I used to be able to lay in silence and relax but my brain wont give it a rest anymore. Books are a fantastic escape. A simple distraction.
My thoughts bump into each other and spin circles in my head. Only when i sleep am i ever really free of them. Insecurities have become a part of me. My other half. I'm not sure who id be without them.
I am not angry, anxious or even sad. I'm not. I feel restless and needy. I want to be alone but i want to feel the warmth of somebody's body next to me. I just don't want to have to speak. No words. Just silence. Is that possible anymore?
Of course i feel. It's all i do. I live my life based on these feelings. My heart defies all logic.
Everyday is a constant battle. My heart feels this but my head thinks this. Which one even makes sense anymore? They are both delusional.
I'm trying to be good but i'm much better at being bad.
Why fight it?
